GOP Convention intruder nailed. Hard.

Apparently, there was a security breach at the Republican convention last night that no one seems free to talk about.

However, a reporter for Talon News was able to interview one delegate who was close to the action. Talon, noted for high journalistic standards, decided not to run this story because the account couldn't be corroborated, but passed it to me so you can decide for yourselves if it's valid. Here is a transcript of the tape:

Reporter: "OK. Mr Haggy, is it?"
Delegate: "Close enough, but just call me Johnny."
Reporter: "All right, Johnny, please tell me what you saw."
Delegate: " Well, I had just wolfed down a couple of them moose burgers they're handin' out and was feelin' kinda full, so I went 'n set down about 15 minutes before we was suppose ta start--thought I'd read some scripture fer a few minutes--settles my stomach down. I was only about 20 feet from the podium. Anyway, I was settin' there readin' Matthew and lookin' at that pretty flag they got up there, when some guy just showed up on the podium like he was Mr. High 'n Mighty hisself. You know--right outta thin air like.

All I can think was he musta been one of them peacenik hippie terrorists the cops missed outside. He had long hair and a beard, and he had on a robe like some kind of A-rab or somethin'. Oh, yeah, he had this little basket he set down, too. And he musta had some kinda trick light that made 'im look like he glowed. Real creepy like.

Anyway, he stood there lookin' around for a minute, and just when he opened his mouth to say somethin', musta been three dozen security guys rushed 'im. He went down right now. That sucker had so many Taser darts in his head, it looked like a crown. When everybody seen that, they all laughed 'n cheered to beat hell. Then,the security guys just grabbed a leg and hauled 'im out the back. A minute later, some mucky-muck with Homeland Security comes out and says 'Please keep quiet about this until we figure out how he got through security. Enjoy the convention and God bless America'. And that was it.

Oh, I almost forgot. That little basket he had? It got kicked and spilled down the steps. All it was was a loaf of bread an' one lousy fish. Musta been his lunch.

The damn fool shoulda went to Denver instead. Not to throw stones, but those librul idiots prob'ly woulda let 'im talk all night."