Friday, September 5, 2008


Nebraska is the last state to have enacted a "safe haven" law, which allows parents to abandon unwanted children at hospitals with no questions asked.

Most states have laws that permit abandonment within the first few days of birth, but Nebraska's law, in effect since July, is much broader in scope. It allows for the abandonment of all minor children--in Nebraska that's age 19--and doesn't specify that only a parent can do it.

If Nebraska's version of "safe-haven" works the way I think it will, other states will change their laws to match. And until that happens, you can bet that people will be traveling to Nebraska by the millions to rid themselves of troublesome brats, no questions asked. Our country will have the best-behaved kids in the world.

Kids, this may be your only warning, so pay attention! Your life just got a lot tougher. You now have to be perfect human beings, and be lucky, too, if you want to stay at home sweet home. Think on this and be afraid, be very afraid---

Mom and dad run out of diapers? Couldn't find a babysitter? Are they tired of your lip? Is your room a mess? Do you fight with your siblings? Are you a picky eater? Ever wreck dad's car? Do you ignore them when they talk to you? Insist on playing your music full blast? Do you change clothes five times a day and take 60 minute showers? See ya!

Won't stay off of the neighbors grass? Do you tease his dog? Come on to his daughter? Or his son? Bye-Bye!

How about school? Tardy or disruptive? Lousy grades? Late homework? Pass notes or make armpit sounds when the teacher isn't looking? Think it's funny to pull bra straps?-- even your teacher's? Sneak smokes in the restroom? Gone, Gone and Gone again!!

Parents ever catch you and the rest of the school using your house for a pot and booze social? Got news-you're all toast!

Starting to get the picture, ya little heathens? Better do the dishes--right after you finish your homework and send Grandma that thank you note you've owed her for a month--and right after you tell mom and dad how much you love them. And then cross your fingers for luck. Every day!

Oh, and one little piece of advice--on Halloween, don't ever say "trick or treat!" again.


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