Karl Rove is heading up a new non-profit called "Seismologists for Democracy", which is being funded by a group of well-heeled Republicans. At a press conference announcing the new venture, a grinning Rove couldn't contain his excitement.
"My entire career has been devoted to helping Republican candidates win elections by whatever means necessary. Getting an illiterate delusional half-wit into the White House was good, but I have always felt I could do more. This new venture will be my crowning achievement, and will bring the adulation I so richly deserve.
My backers are very anxious, and I've assured them that the project will be completed before the next Presidential election. After that, we'll be able to apply what we do here in different ways all around the world.
I like to think of this as the ultimate form of voter suppression. I have gathered the most eminent seismologists in the U.S. By combining their knowledge of crustal plates with my expertise in voter demographics, we will be able to utterly destroy entire Democrat congressional districts with precisely targeted earthquakes.
It's amazing how the best solutions are usually the simplest. I can't wait to get it done."
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