Friday, January 26, 2007


Here is the full text of President Bush's next radio address to the nation:

My fellow Americans,
In my recent State of the Union address, I stressed the importance of reducing our nations dependence on oil , and the need to develop alternative sources of energy.However, it is not only important to develop these energy sources, but also to protect them from our enemies and ensure the future of our democracy.
A risk assessment prepared by The Family Research Council shows that the most vulnerable of these vital energy sources is the sun. It is clear to me that it is in our best interests as a free nation to act decisively and send a clear message to our enemies, them Islamo-Fascist Sunny Muslims, who would like nothing better than to plunge our great nation into darkness and destroy peace-loving people around the world before we can.
For that reason, I have decisively decided on a bold initiative, and am putting into action operation Secure Our Light, or operation S.O.L. for short.
NASA has been ordered to immediately re-direct their efforts on the manned Mars mission, so that within five years we can land on the sun and plant the U.S. flag. Further, I am releasing 500 billion dollars in loans from the Peoples Republic of China, so we won't have to raise taxes to pay for this program. This funding will be used for the initial planning necessary to determine the best way to build fourteen permanent bases on the sun.
With these bases in place, we will be able to defend our sun from any aggressor seeking to wrest it from our control. Several dozen patriotic government contractors have already expressed their willingness to help, and no-bid contracts will be awarded to them within a week.
I want to ease your fears about the possibility of a military draft being needed for staffing these bases. It will not be necessary. Personnel requirements can be readily met through a slight adjustment in my "guest worker" program.
I want to close by reminding all of you that this heroic undertaking is absolutely critical to our security, and it is of utmost importance that you throw your full support behind me now. Make no mistake, in this war to save our sun, you are either on the side of light, or on the side of darkness.
Thank you and God bless you all.

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