Sunday, July 1, 2007

Typical morning meetings at the Executive branch

A private meeting in Cheney's bunker:

Federal investigator--"Mr Vice President, why did you order the destruction of your visitor logs?"
Cheney--"I'll tell you why, you fucking idiot! Cuz I need HEARTS, and YOU WERE NEVER HERE! GET 'IM BOYS!"
A CIA briefing in the Oval Office:

Briefer--"It's all set, Mr President. Iran's government will be overthrown next month.We've arranged a coup."
Bush--"Gesundheit!. What'd we arrange?"
Briefer--"A coup."
Bush--"Man, you gotta have an allergery. Talk to me when yer feelin' better."
Ann Coulter meets with Karl Rove:

Rove--"You know, if I was gay I'd put some moves on you."
Coulter--"Karl, I'm getting nervous about all those checks from the RNC. I want cash from now on."
Rove--" No problem-I'll make a call."
Coulter--"Thanks, that's mighty white of you."
Rove--"Ooh, that's good, but save it for the idiots."
Bush in a meeting with some attorneys:

Bush--"OK guys-I don't have to pardon Libby if the Appeals Court overturns his conviction. They asked for some ideas."
Gonzalez--"We've hashed this out, Mr. President, and I think this one'll work."
David Addington--"Here's the deal, Mr. President. I'll keep it simple for you. The U.S. Criminal Code covers all 50 states. But, since the District of Columbia isn't a state, any crimes committed here do not fall under the purview of the statutes and cannot be prosecuted under U.S. laws. The conviction is therefore nullified."
Bush--"That's some tortured logic. Sounds like something John Yoo came up with."
John Yoo--"'Torture' is my middle name, Mr president."
Tim Griffin--" Very cagy--I like it."
Bush--"Hey! This saves ALL our asses, don't it? Oh,hot damn, this is great!
Bush--"Gonzo, commute over to the Court an' tell our boys to run with it. And score some blow on the way back-I feel like celebratin'."

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