Tidbits from the dark side

Mary Cheney, the Vice Presidents pregnant gay daughter, is in therapy, trying to cope with overwhelming feelings of guilt stemming from her decision to finally break the "abstinence only" pledge her father made her sign when she was in kindergarden.
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BREAKING NEWS!! Mary Cheney has just revealed that the father-to-be of her baby, due this spring, is ANN COULTER, who is also claiming paternity of the ANNA NICOLE SMITH baby.
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First Dick Cheney was a bombing target in Afghanistan. Now he's been diagnosed with a potentially fatal blood clot in his leg. Why is God teasing us like this?
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A Senate committee has uncovered a secret military operation ongoing in Iraq since 2003. A Pentagon spokesman has testified under oath that the Air Force contracted with Neil Bush, the President's brother, to purchase 10 million tons of Tang breakfast drink. The powdered drink, when mixed with water, is known to the military as Agent Orange Flavor, and has been sprayed heavily on the Iraq countryside to defoliate areas that might provide concealment for enemy forces. When questioned about the usefulness of the program, the spokesman said " We consider it to be an unqualified success. See any trees over there?"
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Is this a sign that the Iraq insurgency is in its last throes of passion, if you will?
President Bush, in a rare unscripted moment, claimed that Iran is supplying sophisticated IUD's now being used against our troops.
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The fine folks at Fox News privately refer to their viewers as "black holes", because they swallow everything.
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Freak of nature?--Wolf cowed!
Federal agents broke into Dick Cheney's bunker last week after a groundskeeper reported a foul odor, coming from an air vent, that did not smell like the VP's underwear. Agents were surprised to discover a woman, who identified herself as Eva Braun, cooking sauerkraut in the bunkers kitchen. She reportedly told the agents "I get lonely when Herr Dickey iss away and I wass fixing some, what do you say here, comfort food. I meant no harm".
When Wolf Blitzer started to ask the Vice President about this incident, Cheney bristled-"You haff no right to ask zese questions.It iss not appropriate! Iss that a gold tooth you haff?" Blitzer immediately stammered an apology and peed himself.
Cheney later apologized to Blitzer for his outburst and invited him on a wolf hunt. Ever the sportsman, Cheney also promised Blitzer a one minute head start.
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The biggest difference between George Bush and George Washington is that when Washington became President he was no longer revolting.
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President Bush stated today, in a top level briefing to the Republican National Committee, that on the advice of Karl Rove, he will re-deploy the huge private mercenary army, currently in Iraq, to Colorado several months prior to the start of the Democratic national convention, set to be held in Denver in August, 2008. "We're gonna get 'em set up plenty early so they can snap up all the hotel space, then assign 'em to work security at the convention. They'll be doin' stuff like friskin' people and cuttin' power cables and dealin' with anti-war agitators, and they'll be fully armed. Oh yeah, we're also gonna have 'em wearin' Obama for President buttons so people'll think he hired 'em. Oh,man-I can't wait!"
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