Sunday, December 16, 2007

Gotta get me a "Talking Jesus" doll for Xmas

From Paddy at Cliff Schecter, with video.

And my thoughts on it:

In keeping with the spirit of the Christmas observance, true believers have a marvelous opportunity to buy some real holy shit. A genuine plastic talking Jesus doll for only 20 bucks! It's undoubtedly made of virgin vinyl (anything else would be sacrilegious), and will deliver inspirational messages when you squeeze it. Where do you squeeze it? Right where the spear went in when He was crucified. Isn't that special? And I'm sure that it was made in the U.S., and doesn't have any lead paint, and comes with an eternal warranty, too.

Throw away your bible! This thing has ya covered, and you don't have to read! Not only that, if you have one of these bad boys, you don't need to go to church, because who needs preachers! Just set this thing up on top of the teevee and get the Word direct from the source. Squeeze yer Jesus and cut out the middleman! HALLELUJAH!!

And for all you non-believers, keep your eyes peeled--there are sure to be plenty of opportunities for you to satisfy your religious requirements with other plastic graven images--talking Allahs, talking Buddhas, talking Dildos and the like.

From the Gospel of "Cool Hand" Luke:
"I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I've got my talking Jesus, sittin' on the dashboard of my car".

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