Friday, December 28, 2007

To Sen. Craig and the rest--"Sorry"

For the new year, I hereby resolve to "narrow my stance", if you will, on the hypocrisy of gay Republicans. I will soften my crude sophomoric criticism of the all the closeted (or water-closeted) Republican politicians who have been busted (and 2007 had a banner crop) for soliciting gay sex in restrooms and elsewhere, while loudly proclaiming their anti-gay beliefs and legislating accordingly.

Not that they don't deserve all the bashing they get, but I'm the wrong person to do it. I am ashamed to admit that I have a serious shortcoming that, when I compare my typing skills to their sexual needs, would make it hypocritical on my part to continue criticizing their hypocrisy. I am simply not in a "position" to continue my attacks.

To the victims of my acerbic wit:

Although your numbers are legion, I will address my apology to the foremost among you, Senator Larry Craig (R-ID), the "capo de capo frutti" of the Senate Republicans, and trust you will accept it as if it were given to each of you in person.

Senator Craig, I extend my deepest apologies for the unfair treatment I have visited upon you. In the spirit of the new year, and in keeping with my belief in giving a sucker an even break, you shall no longer suffer the slings and arrows of my outrageous keyboard. And why is that, you ask? It's very simple, Senator-- I can't type worth a damn, and that means we're both just "hunt 'n peckers".


No comments: