Future Headlines--fetched, but not too far

1) Senate Republicans force reform--ban earrings from appropriations bills

2) Bush executive order grants U.S. "most favorite nation" status

3)FBI raids headquarters of AKC--calls it biggest U.S. promoter of terrierism--says Jack Russell is a "person of interest"--alert level raised

4) Bush declares national day of morning--film at 11 AM

5) Bush claims Iran responsible for Elvis's death

6) Radio astronomers can't pick up any coherent signals when Rush Limbaugh is broadcasting.

7) Republicans praise troops for "esprit de corpse"

8) Bush calls terrorist threat a "many-headed hydrant"

9) Oil industry expert says missing ice simply slid off the edge of the Earth--has drawings to prove it

10) Vick files request to share cell with O.J. Says "We got a lot in common, such as we both killed our bitches"

11) MoveOn fights back!--releases video of Petraeus and Bush entering restroom

12) GOP chooses new 2008 convention tune--"Don't Start Thinkin' About Tomorrow"