Thursday, January 17, 2008

Jenna set the date - details sketchy

News reports have it that Jenna Bush will be married on May 10th to fiance Henry Hager in a "small" wedding at the family ranch in Crawford, Texas.

That's it - all we know at the moment - leaving me the responsibility of providing interesting details solely from my imagination.

Security will be tight. The public will be escorted from Texas for the duration of the festivities, and air space restricted except for Fox News helicopters and Blackwater gunships.

There is, of course, speculation that this is a "shotgun"wedding. If that is true, expect Dick Cheney to lurk close behind the groom, waiting (or not) for him to make a break.

Officiating will be the Reverend Fred Phelps of the famous Westboro Baptist Church, but the bonds of matrimony will be sealed with Gorilla Glue, which paid handsomely for the privilege.

An informal reception at the ranch is planned, to begin immediately after the wedding. The guests will be encouraged to attend and participate in any of several fun activities, including a demonstration of "enhanced interrogation" techniques down at the lake. (Actually a charity fund-raiser for the families of indicted politicians, and the money is expected to flow in for such a good cause.) Other activities will include caged dove shooting, the ever popular"chainsaw the armadillo" event, and an SUV engine-revving competition.

Of course food will be plentiful, buffet style. Exotic endangered species from around the world, barbecued to perfection. Doesn't it sound wonderful? And the needs of everyone in attendance will be met by a staff of several hundred "guest workers"brought in to the U.S. just for the day, circulating through the crowd with drinks and drugs.

Guests will be able to leave their wedding gifts at any of several tractor-trailers and Brinks trucks parked discreetly on the grounds for the purpose.

At the close of the day, and as the time draws near for the newlyweds to take their leave, expect President Bush, determined to make a favorable impression on his new son-in-law, to put his arm on the young mans shoulder and whisper "Hey Henry, when you get back from the honeymoon, lemme know if she's as good as I think she is. Heh heh".

Jenna and Henry will fly to Paraguay for their honeymoon, but plan to make a "compassionate flyover" of New Orleans on the way. Isn't that swell?

Good luck, kids!!

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